Santa Clause: Earth’s greatest gift giver, or the world’s greatest tyrant

24 12 2010

Santa Clause is typically viewed as a kind heart, jolly man. He gives gifts to Children all over the world every year. He never asks for things besides cookies and milk. But I think we might have been fooled by an excellent marketing scheme. If you look at Santa in a different, you might not see the same kind man as you did before. When you look at many villains, to the public eye, they’re not bad people. Lex Luthor, Ra’s Al Ghul, Norman Osborn, are all major villains who keep their fiendish ways on the down low. If we look at Santa, we see a similar trend.

you really want this guy in your house?

Think about it. Right off the bat, he lives at the North Pole. One of the coldest places on earth. Far away from any government restrictions or jurisdictions. Does this sound like a person who doesn’t have something to hide? Why wouldn’t Santa want a nice warm place in Brazil? What lives in the North Pole? Wompas & frost giants!

Then there is Santa’s work shop. If you put a green hat on a child and give him the workman title “elf” that doesn’t put you above child labor laws! He’s got assembly lines where these poor children work year around. And does he pay them? Even if they did, where would they go? To the local Best Buy at the North Pole? And how does this man get around? He uses magical flying reindeer! Have you ever been charged by one of those things? Those mammals aren’t as cute as the cartoons make them seem! And now you’re telling me they have the ability to fly?! Imagine going for a midnight strole. Then you see a red light heading you’re way FROM THE SKY! What’s causing the red light? A flying horned mammal! But not just one, but 9 of them! And controlling these mutants of the night is a large man with a fire red suit!

But going into your house doesn’t make you safe because Santa can also get into any home he wants to. That’s trespassing! Sure he leaves “presents,” but remember that time you thought you had an extra 5 dollar bill in your wallet? Wanna know where it went? To the Santa toll! Along with that milk you where planning to enjoy so you would have healthy bones. And fellas, watch out for your ladies. A friend of mine saw his mother kissing Santa Clause. He’ll take your cookies and your honeys!

So go ahead, and continue to support this fiend of the cold winds. But when the day comes where he strikes with a fleet of flying horned beast don’t come crying to me. I’ll be hitting out.